Wednesday, June 12, 2002

Redirected Appearance

In every person, I see the beginning of the end, and every time, you turn away, I long a little more for the time when you'll come facing back. And I keep reminding myself, that one has to face multiple directions during the course of their existence. If it weren't so, we would be all like carriage horses, only facing the way they are going, and unable to look to their sides because their masters put covers over their eyes. Regardless, I still am distressed by the brief disappearance, or more likely, redirected appearance, that you give on a silver platter to all the surroundings. And I often wonder, is that silver platter shinier than mine? And then I digress, playing with the idea of whether or not the surroundings maybe deserve an equally shiny platter, or maybe even shinier. Who am I to decide? Maybe just one of the collection of surroundings that deserve said appearance, be it more or less, or, for that matter, none whatsoever.
What is more distressing however, is the inconsistency of it all. Why does someone appear more at some arbitrary point in time, yet less at another? Do they lose or gain value as time passes on? Does the same happen to me? It is interesting to compare the distress caused by incertitude, with the one caused by certainty. For, if I ignore it, it becomes blissful (as the phrase goes), yet if I don't, I may see something that I shouldn't. And if I am unable to do either, the fact that I am unable to control these appearances only causes more suffering to an already tortured mind.

As a temporary solution, I seek to achieve a constant amount of vision, while keeping said vision on a balanced level which on one hand, won't devoid me of appearance, yet on the other, won't supply too much of it to for it to become unwanted. But, you ask, what is the point of a limited amount of appearance? And I answer: while it is indeed limited, it has the advantage of being constant. This consistency creates a desensitization effect, which in turn serves to "ready" the terrain for increased amounts of appearance. Now, as you periodically increase the dosage, the subject won't be likely to repel it, for it is already desensitized to it, and much like addicts, has developed a certain tolerance. Also much like addicts, we hope the subject also developed a dependency.

With all the scientific facts out of the way, I could now continue my plight for appearance. I see that maybe you are not sure yourself of the amounts of appearance you accord to different surroundings, and sometimes even have difficulty deciding. As this isn't bad in itself, it goes for a neutrality effect which, depending the side of the glass you're looking from, could be either full or empty. What follows is the amount of appearance each of the individuals that gets it really wants. Do they want more than they are given, or do they want less? If they want more (and are doing something about it), is it in your power to notice this, and, as the case may be, act accordingly? It comes down to attention-to-detail skills, as well as to reading people's unconscious/involuntary reactions. Much like the skilled poker player, it is important in this case to notice the facial expressions, body language and speech patterns as well as tone, of the person whom you're appearing to. As most people are not the skilled poker player that you read about in the books and see in the movies, it is not impossible to notice what someone is saying, what they mean, and if the two match. Usually, if they don't match, the person has an ulterior motive for saying what you are hearing. What’s interesting about this fact, is that they may be saying one thing and thinking another involuntarily, because this is the way they were taught (read: trained by their environment) to do. Of course, there is also the other case, when the person consciously controls their actions, and depending on their skill-level, will make it harder for you to detect what they are trying to achieve. Usually, if what they says matches what you read from them, it could mean two things: either they have no interest in the outcome of the appearance, OR, they are unable to make a distinction between the two different forms of expression (i.e. they always act/say what they thinks, not because they chooses to, but because they don't know any other way), I would call this case: naive or innocent. Not in an ill meaning way (I appreciate innocence just as much as the next person), but in more of an observational way.

And as you well see, it is almost impossible for me to attribute an act of redirection of appearance as something just 'out of the blue', there always has to be something to cause it, and as such, a potential threat, or advantage, depending (again) from which side of the glass you're looking at it. As for myself, I look from the side that's filled with liquor, because that's the only one that would make an empty glass look half full, and a bad situation seem a little better (at least until the end of the night, when you find yourself spilling you guts out to Mr. Toilet)

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